It's Not the Critic Who Counts
Are you scared to put yourself out there? Do you worry about what others think of you?
Can you guess what held me back from starting my own business? Was it money? The fear of failing? Nope, it was something as stupid as someone else’s opinion. The minute I hit “Post” when announcing my website launch, I felt a huge sense of relief and freedom. I was on cloud nine... until someone made fun of me. I froze. What should I say? Does everyone else think the same thing? Am I a foolish dreamer? These were the exact thoughts and fears I had leading up to my launch. I thought I had overcome them but here they were, resurfacing again. I stumbled upon this quote and found the courage to overcome my self-doubt:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena… who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again… if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…” -Theodore Roosevelt
Why did I let this person’s opinion get to me? They are not in the arena; in fact, they have NEVER been in the arena. How dare I assume what everyone else was thinking or saying? I had fabricated a lie - people don’t like me or support me - and told myself this lie so many times I had begun to believe it.
Chances are, you’ve done this too. In fact, if you’re a woman, you have twice as many negative thoughts than a man (Harvard Health). In order to overcome these limiting beliefs, I had to tackle them one by one:
Lie #1 - I’m not smart enough or have enough experience
For the longest time I thought I needed 20 years of work experience, management experience, a Ph.D., and every certification known to mankind. As I was speaking to other entrepreneurs, I noticed a similarity in their stories: they didn’t have a ton of experience or have it all figured out when they started. You have to start somewhere! There really isn’t a perfect time and if you’re waiting to start until you’re perfect, you will carry your unexecuted dream to your grave.
Lie #2 - Someone else is already doing it and I can’t compete with them
Yes, there are many organizational development consultants, personal trainers, career coaches, Etsy shop owners, etc. in the world. But do your friends even know about them? Do they trust them? Think about it… I would rather hire a personal trainer, who is a close friend, than Jillian Michaels (no offense, Jillian). In addition, what seems obvious to you, may not be so obvious to others. Even if someone did know how to create a website, a workout, or a budget, they may not want to spend their time on that and would rather outsource it. To a certain extent, if there are competitors in your field, that means there is demand for your product or service.
How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs
In order to overcome these limiting beliefs, or lies, I sorted out actual criticism from fabricated criticism. When I started to worry about what others thought, I asked myself, “Did someone actually say this or am I assuming they’re thinking it?” I stopped the endless worry cycle dead in its tracks by calling out the reality of these negative thoughts. In addition, every time I had a negative thought, I said the counter statements above out loud. For example, “I have to start somewhere. A published website is better than an unpublished, perfect website. My community doesn’t know about these services or how to do it themselves.” I gave myself 1-2 minutes to think about it and get over it. When the same limiting belief arose again, I blocked the thought and did not allow myself to dwell on it.
I truly believe positive thinking and mental reframing is a muscle you must train. It’s human nature to be negative but if you practice the reframing exercises mentioned above over and over again, positive thinking becomes more habitual.
It’s okay if you have limiting beliefs, as long as you don’t continue to dwell on it or let it prevent you from pursuing your goals. I hope these exercises help you overcome your limiting beliefs and get you to a better place! If you have additional tips, please comment below!