How to be Happy Around Unhappy People
Chances are you have at least one person in your life who is unhappy and tends to drag you down. Maybe it’s a coworker who is always negative. It could be a friend who is constantly gossiping. Perhaps it’s a family member who seeks your advice but never uses it. You’re probably aware who you spend time with is who you become, but consider this story before you start cutting people out of your life.
I was that person
This is embarrassing to admit but once upon a time I was that annoying, negative person. I was very unhappy and had reached a low point. My work environment was extremely toxic and I could not stop it from seeping into my personal life. I could not let things go and felt compelled to talk about my bad day with friends and family. For some reason, venting was the only way for me to relieve my stress. Thank goodness my closest friends and family stuck by my side and helped me through it! It wasn’t until I got a new job that my emotions finally started to improve.
Don’t cut them out of your life
When someone plays the victim, gossips, or seeks attention in a negative form, they are calling out for help. Haven’t you been through a tough season in life? Aren’t you glad someone was there to help you? No one is perfect. Perhaps your coworker is overly dramatic but what are you doing to help him or her? Are you enabling them or contributing to their mess? According to author and researcher, Shawn Anchor, we all desperately need social connection. Meaning, 1) it’s impossible to avoid every single unhappy person on the planet, 2) there will come a time when you need help, and 3) relationships are strengthened when we walk through the fire together.
5 ways to help
The good news is there are ways to help unhappy people without getting sucked into their drama.
Understand you cannot control somebody else’s emotions. As my favorite author, Brene Brown, has said, "The most compassionate people I know also have the most well-defined boundaries." Just as you would do with a child, you have to set boundaries and condition the people in your life to be positive. For example, if a conversation starts to spiral down, tell the speaker this is not helping either of you and you must leave. Repeat this process until they realize you will not put up with their negative behavior.
Realize you cannot control their actions either. It can be frustrating when a friend repeatedly asks for advice but never listens. Lower your expectations and assume they will not always follow your advice. Don’t take it personally and try to appreciate the positive attributes they bring to the relationship. Continue to offer support and gently remind them of what you would and would not do if you were in their situation.
Create a buffer between work and home, unhappy and happy people, etc. As I mentioned before, my problem was I held on to my emotions from work and took it out on my husband. I should have exercised, called a friend about a completely different subject, or [my favorite] shopped after work. If that were the case, I would have bought a new pair of shoes every day! If you just left a negative conversation or situation, avoid sharing with others and do something that takes your mind off of it.
Appreciate and respect their honesty. If someone has become emotional or is venting, take it as a sign they trust you. Use the opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Don’t make the conversation about you but rather, stay focused on their needs. Honor their trust by not sharing with others.
Model happiness. The best way to help someone is to show them how to be positive. Educate them on the strategies you use or what you learned from a similar experience. Do you have a family member or friend who has a contagious personality? I bet they’re a happy-go-lucky kind and you love to be around them. You can be that person too!
Even the most negative people have potential to be happy. Research shows if you practice gratitude daily, for 3 weeks straight, you become an optimist. Anchor also found patients who wrote down their day’s positive experiences were able to reduce their pain medication in half after only 6 weeks! You can gather more ideas with the download below.